I just needed to get this out. I’m glad no one reads this blog anymore.
It’s been two hours since this panic attack started and I’m almost finally calmed down. I watched my sister vomit into her hands earlier and just walked the fuck out of the house. I have an extreme (cannot stress that enough) fear of vomiting and I just started panicking. My heart was racing, I couldn’t keep still or stop shaking. I felt so nauseated, I couldn’t swallow, and the the room was spinning. I just wanted to be alone, I literally wish I could just go into a coma when these things happen. And for the life of me I could NOT calm down. I’ve dealt with this before when Ian was sick and it wasn’t nearly this bad. Why did this have to happen today?
Probably my worst birthday. Now I’m scared to be even near her. I’m scared to eat, to go to sleep. My eyes are watering so badly. Why can’t I be normal? God help me, please.